Since I was a little girl, I’ve known two things: that I wanted to be a mom, and that I wanted to stay home with my children. Words can’t describe how thankful I am that this has finally come true for me and that I have a husband who supports and encourages my choice.
While I’ve always known that I wanted to do this, I had always pictured myself being a different kind of mother once the time finally arrived. I thought I wouldn’t care one way or another about breastfeeding — in fact, just a year or two before I became pregnant, I was sure that I wouldn’t even do it. If you would have told me that I would be cloth diapering, I would have laughed at the absurdity. And I was for sure not going to go through the hassle of making my own baby food.
But motherhood has changed me. I’ve been breastfeeding for six months now (my original goal!) and intend to keep going for as long as I can or until she’s a year old. I’m rinsing out dirty diapers in the toilet and washing cloth liners every other day. And when it came time for Charlotte to try solid foods, I began making homemade food with gusto (which was actually rejected by Charlotte for several weeks so I had to resort to buying her food).
Essentially, I am finally a mom, but I’m not the mom I thought I would be.
It has truly changed me, both inside and out. I’m so grateful for Charlotte and the different ways she has taught me to love. In fact, it has driven me to love better in all of my relationships. My heart sometimes physically hurts with all of the love, and it takes a lot of restraint on my part not to show it all by squeezing her as much and as hard as possible.
I wouldn’t trade what I have now for all of the “success” in the world — I’m where I’m supposed to be, and growing into the woman I’m meant to be. And it’s all thanks to Charlotte — and Ryan, too.